We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
