CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
