Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
