Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
