First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
