you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
