how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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