I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
