so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
