Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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