I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
