she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
