Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
