Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
