k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize
