Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
