We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
