Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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