I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
