Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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