everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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