You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
