is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
