I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dick very happy bro
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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