I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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