He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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