$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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