Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...

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(703): View more from Virginia

Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick

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(909): View more from California

I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.

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(330): View more from Ohio

what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused

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