so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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