I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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