I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
