i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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