Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
