So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
