All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she smelled like a LAN party
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
