You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
