He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my poor anus
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
