Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
