I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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