"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
