i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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