Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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