u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
false alarm. still invincible.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
