Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
