it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
