Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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