I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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