my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
