She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You ruined the universe
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
