Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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