I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
